The Samhain Spinster Sermon - Part 13 - Magic

Hello and welcome to today's special Samhain edition of our spinster sermon. A time when the veil between here and there gets decidedly thin. I adore Halloween. Or Slutoween as it has been dubbed due to the slutty cat, slutty vampire, slutty nurse, slutty witch that nice girls get to be at this time of year. This year I'm going as Queen of the Damned. Beyond slutty. Well, what's a spinster to do?

I'm in HK. The air smells of incense and taxis and bubbling pots. It's all a rather smoky affair. I've walked puppies in the Peak in the rain. Networked at charity fundraisers. Manicured. Pedicured. Massaged. Air kissed. Bought a new phone. Drank like a fish. Hugged people a lot. Barely eaten other than the odd catch up lunch. Laughed a lot. Smiled more. It feels so good to be home. 

Back to the witching hour. Halloween fascinates me. It draws such strong opinion. From the age of 11 until the age of 16 when I accidentally dropped out of my A Levels, I attended All Hallows Catholic High School. Here, we learnt how to rip pages out of books that showed photographs of contraception, we only had this privilege once in sixth form however, as younger minds could not be exposed to such filth. Every sperm is sacred. We were also warned of the evils of The Life of Brian. Certainly NOT the messiah. I was hauled up infront of class by a particularly pernicious Miss Trunchull type teacher when I was in first or second year for being a slut... outside slutoween, which is clearly not allowed. I'd been copying my friends so had put little silver hoop earrings in and tied my pink gingham school shirt at the front like Sandy in Grease. I may have even applied a little pink lipgloss. The rather rotund history teacher decided to make an example of me and informed the rest of the class that I could destroy my own reputation but not the schools. Sweet Christian compassion. I wonder why I left?

To share happier tales though, and get back to Halloween, it is a little odd with such a strict Catholic school, that celebrated All Hallows Day, or all Saints Day, dated 1st November by Pope Gregory III in the 8th Century, a kind of mop up day to celebrate all the saints that didn't have their own special day, like Anthony, who was going to be my confirmation name, I was a contrary young thing but it states nowhere that confirmation saints names must be same sex. I digress. So here we are, at a terribly Catholic school and I am editing the new school magazine on behalf of 1T, but for the whole school. And what could the topic of this first magazine I am editing be? Why Halloween of course! Not the hallowed version you understand. The naughty Irish one. The wiccan one. The devilly one. The slutty one!

MEGGA - 10p - First Year Mag - I made the lovely wordsearch :)

I even wrote a poem. Angela the cool girl did the fashion.

Here's my handiwork:

A Witches Brew by AD - IT

Turn your cauldron to gas mark four,
And if you like it singed, then turn it up some more.
The first cooking item, I am sad to say,
Is the last ounce of breath in an ancient jay.
A pair of eyeballs from a newt new born,
A leg of a spider, battered and torn.
Then to make the potion bubble and water,
Add the contents of a dinnerlady and a quarter,
The taste of this really way-out drink,
Makes a good cuppa tea with a sprinkling of zinc.

Heresy! Although to be completely honest, I much prefer Angela's counsel... and I quote... 'Pastel colours are in fashion for the lads. We're in for a hard winter, so wear a snood.'

So there it was, All Hallows publishing a Halloween magazine. When teaching in Hong Kong, I sometimes had children removed from class at this time of year, as I would create lessons around Harry Potter, and parents would state they didn't believe in Halloween or witchcraft.

Pope Gregory I sent a letter to Bishop Mellitus in the 6th century, in which he suggested that existing places of non-Christian worship be adopted and consecrated to serve a Christian purpose. The Encyclopaedia Britannica states that this date may have been chosen "in an effort to supplant the Pagan holiday with a Christian observance". The Oxford Dictionary of World Religions also states that Hallowe'en "absorbed and adopted the Celtic new year festival, the eve and day of Samhain".

You know what, this is life, it changes, it swirls, it becomes things it was not. We recreate ourselves. Non more so however than at Halloween. Whether you connect with your inner slut or simply enjoy an evening of disguise. It is a night of magic. Of apple bobbing. Of spells.

I wish you all a wonderful Halloween with all the tricks and treats you deserve.

Traditional Irish turnip lantern from the early 20th century - damn we were poor

I also consider it a really romantic time. But I blame that on Tim Burton.  I leave you with clips from two of my favourite films. There's little sexier than gothic doomed love. Edward Scissorhands and The Corpse Bride both destroy me. So utterly tragic and wonderfully beautiful.

And I know it's not a Sunday, so no Sunday Worship, but a seasonal object of desire seems fair.

love hurts

I leave you with the soundtrack to one of the finest gothic novels ever written.

May you find your heart's desire tonight. Or otherwise enjoy a good apple bobbing. :)

Peace be with you

xxx