The Sunday Spinster Sermon: Part 19: I Know You

Dear friends

 

I must start with an apology for my rather obscene tardiness. My last post was on the 8th September, which by my basic calculations would appear to be a 27 week break. Or around 6 months.
 

I have made attempts and written notes on several occasions but the words have seemed to get stuck in a jumble of dead ends and nihilistic ramblings. I apologise. Mainly to myself, as writing makes me happy, but to you too. What can I say? I'm an emotional animal and when I'm sad doing much more than the bare minimum is a little tricky.
 

So where have I been and what have I seen during my the last six months of AWOLity?
 

I faffed heavily on okcupid. Seeking love and all that. Suitably comic and disastrous. Have now deleted account but the men I met...
 

There was Murray, the Essex boy, turtle lover and knower of cocaine binges and TOWIE cast. 'Let's turn this cab around' and 'I know you'll be thinking of me when you wank tonight', as I politely declined his offer of turning the cab round and going back to his, i had no desire to become better acquainted with his turtles named Laurent, Perrier, Rose, Veuve and Cliquot....
 

There was also a banker in Singapore, who would Skype and tell me he wanted to rescue me, a vegan pilot who discussed LSD (latte with soy milk made out of dandelions), an Irish recruitment consultant who was always ready to meet up but then off on European tours and a Viking who seemed to want to join a book club with me but not actually meet in person either. These were the ones I corresponded with. Others sent money shots, often with hard abs but no faces, giving me hotel room numbers, email addresses and phone numbers.

 

A little more success was had out on the town, as my mood lifted, I could be found trotting home as the sun came up but the usual mêlée of financiers and bankers were just not terribly alluring for more than an hour or two.

Meanwhile, I tried to turn my miniscule flat in Sai Ying Pun into a house. I put plants on the windowsill. This was all very well, but the fact a hotel was being constructed on the other side of the window and I lived on one of the busiest streets of Hong Kong by several bus stops and a traffic lit junction... one lives and learns.

 

 

I poured over emails and FB chats from lost love. Trying to find a pattern or way to slay the dragon and rescue the princess and live happily ever after. Speaking of flights of fancy. The song we opened with is from the modern take on Sleeping Beauty. It looks exquisite. Lana del Ray never sounded better. I hum this song often, now I can pretend to be edgy and hip as it's no longer just a 1950s Disney cartoon...

 

One of my favourite design stories is of the evil stepmothers or queens in Disney and where they forged their signature styles. It all stems back to 1935, when the incredible story of an immortal queen in Africa named 'She' was first turned into a film. This was before the stunning Ursula Andress did her 1960s version. 

 

Behold!

 

 

Which led to a certain 1950 Evil Queen

 

 

Which led to Malificent as we know here today.

 

 

Stunning.

Meanwhile, back in Hong Kong.
 

My nephew came to stay. He was the angel I was yet to meet. He brought my brother and his wife with him who I hadn't seen in seven years. That was some magic. Storytelling and holding hands and cuddles. Wonderfully distracting.

 

Then the angel got sick, and epilepsy began. He's up to twenty seizures a day now, so that's been a significant distraction from my selfish maladies. 

I went to Macau with my HK family and stayed over. A beautiful slice of decadence in a sad sky.

 

Friends came to stay from America and the UK. I had fun when I went out. Cried when I stayed in. Which was exhausting.

I juggled debts. People were paid off. Loans were taken out. Tax bills were received. Plans to move into new houses were forged.

I began working as a friend on my Monday's off as a sales and marketing consultant, that kept me out of trouble and subdued the angry debt monkeys.

I did yoga once or twice.

I had my one year anniversary of HKness. From 2002 to 2014, i have collated a rather fascinating entourage. The newer ones may have been sick once or twice. The stalwarts took it in their strides. My Monday freelance gig was excruciating.

 

I bought a new computer as my old one died. The flying debt monkeys howled.

I wrote a list of the dream house in my head. A little manifestation check box. Space for a kitchen table. I had sat on my couch crossed legged writing or eating for the last year. A view of the sea or the mountains. A space for a desk would be amazing. A bath would blow my mind. Space for an oven. Just a way to make a home.

I went to LOHAS. And had to stop my mouth from hitting the ground when I walked in. There were sea and mountain views. The kitchen table extended to house 8 people. The bath was huge. The kitchen was fitted. The bed was king sized. All furniture was fitted. There were indoor and outdoor pools, a gym, and fountains and gold leaf sprinkled liberally about. It was also peaceful, so very, very quiet. I negotiated on price, and signed that evening. This is my writing view now.

 

Then it was Christmas. I flew to England. I Shrewsburied, Manchestered, Londoned and Brightoned. It was fantastic. The flying monkeys of debt almost carried me home shrieking. They do get terribly cross. I went uber blonde. Which felt most glamorous again and led to vintage parties and winning Louboutins for best dressed on my return to HK.

 

 

Then in the New Year, I was approached to edit some erotica. Which was a new direction for my writing. It's rather good. You can buy it here for less than $5. Daffodils: A BDSM Initiation (Ella Erotica) If it says you can't buy from the USA site, just go to your local amazon site and search for 'Daffodils, BDSM.'

This led to another side project in creating the cover for the trilogy. A have luscious and talented friends.

 

 

Last Thursday, I went to see some gorgeous Tribal African art and happened to mention it on my FB page. I was then contacted to write for a Style Blog that covers Asian architecture, fashion, design and art. If you want to read more family friendly content you will be able to find my weekly submissions here... Style By Asia

I think we're all up to speed now. The next exciting adventure is in five weeks when I fly to New Zealand to spend time with my family and get my Hobbit on. It will be my first solo adventure in a while so I'm looking forward to seeing which dwarves and elves and hobbits and men I become better acquainted with. And the space of course. The space to breathe. Countryside. Mountains. Lakes. Waterfalls. I feel some poetry coming on.

Speaking of poetry. I just came across the most exquisite writer, Warsan Shire. She's in her mid 20s. Ridiculous. And sublime.

For Women Who Are Difficult To Love
by Warsan Shire

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him...
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you

you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial

he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?

you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

I leave you with some Hobbity drama by the angelic tones of Ed Sheeran. He sees fire.

Wishing you all a beautiful Sunday, filled with gentle adventures and sparkling conversation. I must be away. I have a Sunday Spinster Picnic to attend.

Peace be with you.

xx