The Tale of Two Cities: It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done

"You may think you’re physically fit now, but can you:
Swim 500 yards using breast and/or side stroke in 12minutes and 30 seconds, rest for 10minutes, then,
Do 42 pushups in two minutes, rest for two minutes, then
Do 50 sit ups in two minutes, rest for two minutes, then
Do eight pull-ups, rest for 10 minutes, then
Run 1.5 miles wearing boots and pants in 11minutes and 30 seconds?"

Erm... no! These are the questions I am asked at the top of my Bootcamp form. The one that begins at 7am tomorrow. The one I am wondering whether: a. everyone will look like characters from High School Musical and merrily show off their jazz hands throughout the whole performance as it is so easy, or b. i will vomit, or c. i will vomit and the jazzhanders will point and laugh.

Apparenly the Bootcamp readies you up to try out for the Navy Seals? My heavily moustached Irish Uncle Alan was one of these people, and behind his smiling Irish eyes was the look that he knew more than one way to kill a man. This was his level of fitness? I always imagined our similarities would end with the ole blue eyes, but no, I shall be taking orders like a man, and not asking my trainer to be a little more polite when he asks me to drop and give them twenty...

Wrist or knee braces are recommended if there are any issues in these areas. I have never owned such a garment, as have never tried to see what my body can do. The most energetic I've been in the past few years is whooping it up to gay pop at some Morning Party in Causeway Bay. Perhaps I will own braces by next week?

My clothes ought to be made of sweat-wicking technologies... Nope. Not sure I've needed that before either, well, perhaps it has been needed, but I wasn't overly aware the stuff existed. In lieu of such items, bring a change of clothes, as the first 30 minutes is spent outside, before the hour inside.

Next I am told I ought to drink cold water, so should use an Aluminium canister to keep the temperature just right. I clearly don't have one of those, but having spoken to a friend who commented that if you drink before you starjump the likelihood of vomitting does increase, I am going to stick to sipping from a regular bottle of bonaqua - the CocaCola of waters, and choose less hydration over more vomit.

"Exercise or not, we should be drinking enough water to never experience thrust."

Thrust? Pass.

"NUTRITION: Eat a hearty meal 3-4 hours before bed the night before, get at least 8hours uninterrupted sleep the night before all BOOTCAMP sessions, get up early to make yourself an easily digestible breakfast, high carbs, high protein…"

So I have to be there at 7, thankfully the gym is only a five minute walk from my house, but still, that means breakfast at 6am, so asleep at 10pm, with that hearty meal at 7pm. I had pesto pasta with the vegetable of champions (peas) at 8pm so that's kinda OK, and I have taken it on good authority to have a peanut butter and banana sandwich for breakfast... at 6am... before jumping up and down...

Or Lord.

Twill all be done in twelve hours time.

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done"

Good night

x